You beat cancer by how you live, why you live and in the manner in which you live.

I had never thought that someone so close to me would get diagnosed with cancer. This was silly to think that it wouldn’t happen to me, but that foolish thought was ruined about 2.5 years ago. My grandpa Charlie was diagnosed with cancer around the end of July 2017. I remember those few days so vividly still. My dad had told us that grandpa went to the medical clinic that day and was there all day long getting tests done to try to figure out what was wrong. After spending nearly all day in the clinic and in testing, he was admitted to the hospital. We still didn’t know what was wrong, just that there were some concerning things. The thought that it could be cancer passed through my mind, but I quickly pushed that thought out of my head because I didn’t want it to be true. 

The next day we heard that it was cancer. My grandpa had been sick off and on for awhile and had lost a lot of weight, but at least now we knew why. It was difficult to hear the “c-word” but also comforting to know what was wrong. That day and the day after, I remember spending the majority of the time with my family and ignoring my work responsibilities. But at that time, family was the most important thing.

We were told that with treatment he would have a minimum of 3 to 5 years left if the cancer hadn’t metastasized and moved to other parts of his body. Again that idea was shattered after hearing he had cancer in many places in his body: his pelvis, clavicle, spine, and more. As a result of this, we had no idea how much longer we had with him. It literally felt like it was a ticking clock that we had no idea when it was going to go off.

My family took a road trip to Denver for a Colorado Rockies game with grandpa in tow just a few weeks after his diagnosis. We didn’t know how much longer we had with him and were taking every chance we could to make memories. One of the games was especially meaningful for our family as one of their players was making his debut for that year after having beat cancer. We didn’t know ahead of time that Chad Bettis would be pitching that game, but it sure was a tender mercy for our family. Christmas later that year one my brothers got all of us a Chad Bettis baseball card to remember the game by. 

Since we now had a tentative expiration on our time with grandpa, we packed in as many memories as we could. We went to Denver to Rockies baseball games, went to USU basketball games every year, visited as much as we could and everything else in between. I feel very lucky and grateful for the time I was able to spend with my grandpa, particularly in the last few years. He came with us on a trip to Oregon, to the demolition derby at the fair, to  Shoshone Falls when we visited him and my grandma in Jerome. I was very close with him and always loved talking with him and seeing him. 

Every time he saw me, he would say “Hello sunshine!” It made me smile each time he called me sunshine. When he would call me sunshine it made me smile even bigger than I already was. He always had a smile on his face and could easily make you laugh (especially if his favorite song “Itsy Bitsy Yellow Polka Dot Bikini” got brought up). From that silly song he taught me to not take things too seriously. 

That was just one of the many things he taught me. I learned so much from my grandpa, especially growing up just down the road from him, working alongside him on the farm, and spending as much time with him as I did since his diagnosis. He taught me to work hard and be willing to help with anything. To go out of my way to help those around me. To slow down and take everything in occasionally. To be patient for things to happen in your life. To have fun in every situation. To look for the positive in every day. He would say, “Every day is a good day, some are just better than others.”

Since his passing, I’ve seen small hints that he is still with us and with me. These small moments or memories bring a glimpse of happiness to me. One Sunday in church the man leading the music was wearing a Jerry Garcia tie. He had many ties that brand and each of his sons and grandsons had one of those ties for his funeral. (My dad even asked me if I had a Jerry Garcia tie to wear to the funeral to which I said, “No I won’t be wearing a tie to the funeral.”) Recently, I went to visit my aunt, uncle, cousins and grandma. While I was helping my grandma with a few things. There was part of a case of Coke up in the upstairs storage room and a couple of his jackets in the closet. He loved Coke and drank a few a day. He also wore fleece plaid jackets all the time.

In the few months since he’s been gone, I’ve often thought about him. Some days are difficult and I miss him terribly. But I know he will always be watching over me and there for me, just not like he used to. I’m not a Yankees or Mariners fan, but I might follow those teams a bit more now just for Charlie. 

Charlie got called up to the majors in October, but will always be my all star & I’ll always be his sunshine. Run fast & slide in grandpa, you're finally home. I’ll see you again some day. I'll think about you and miss you every day until then.

Stand Out

Many things have been on my mind lately, but one particular night at a baseball game a couple weeks ago something stuck out to me. I watched as people young and old seemed to be dressing, acting, and pretending to be someone or something else simply just to fit in and be like others. Teenagers and people from middle school to college aged are always striving to do the next big thing to fit in. I've seen numerous people around me and some close to me do whatever they could to fit in whether that be liking a certain sports team, buying material possessions, listening to a new popular song, saying the latest slang term or "cool" phrase, and so much more.

In today’s world we are inundated with numerous social media platforms, smart phones, and constantly being “plugged in” to something. The majority of our days are spent in front of screens (I work on a computer all day..), and on those screens are unrealistic pictures and videos that set expectations for all areas of our life - our appearance, vacations we take, friends we have and things we do, material possessions, food we eat and cook, lifestyles we live, workouts we do, and SO MUCH MORE. These expectations are more often than not, beyond what is easily attainable.

Trying to fit in can be a constant struggle especially for younger kids and teenagers, even in college as you are trying to figure out who you really are and where you want to go in life. Once you realize that you are changing what you do and how you act to fit in, stop it. Take a step back and ask yourself why you are really doing those things. If you are changing for the better and not just to fit in, do it! But changing just to fit in is the wrong thing.

We’ve all done various things to fit in with the rest of the world. I admit I have done it. We all have. That can be shown in the sports teams we start to be fans of as part of a bandwagon, how we act to be “cool”, the clothes we wear to be “on trend”, and more. But why do we waste time, money, and energy just to fit in? But what’s the point of fitting in?

No two of us were born exactly alike. Because each of us are different we all bring different things to the table. It truly is what makes the world go round because we all have different strengths and weaknesses in various areas of our life that end up all woven together to create the world we live in.

“I used to hate not fitting in until I realized I was born to stand out.” I’ve had this realization many times over & over through by teenage years of figuring out who I am & what I want to do & need to do with my life. Be proud to stand out & not fit in. I challenge you to not fit in and stand out by being YOU! I’m challenging myself to do that very thing too. Be you. 

I'm Not Falling Behind, It's Just Not My Time

Julissa Loaiza said, “I know people who graduated college at 21, and didn’t get a salary job until they are 27. I know people who graduated at 25 and already had a salary job. I know people who have children and are single. I know people who are married and had to wait 8-10 years to be parents. I know people who are in a relationship and love someone else. I know people who love each other and aren’t together. There are people waiting to love and be loved. My point is, everything in life happens according to our time, our clock. You may look at your friends and some may seem to be ahead or behind you, but they’re not, they’re living according to the pace of their clock, so be patient. You’re not falling behind, it’s just not your time.”

I’m the one who graduated college and has a salary job. I am waiting to love and be loved. I know it isn’t my time for things and that I need to be patient. I’m trying to learn and be okay with the realization that I”m not falling behind in life and certain milestones. I am not falling behind, it's just not my time. It will one day come, just not now. 

(How I feel about being a working adult sometimes)

Since I’ve graduated college & have closed that chapter of my life, I’ve found myself in a very different & weird stage of life. Most everyone my age is still in school. Many are married or dating. I am working full-time, graduated from college, and not in a relationship. I’ve only been graduated for just over two months (it's official now that my diploma has arrived!!), but in that short time I’ve compared myself and where I am at in life to everyone around me. I try not to compare myself to others but how can you not when your life seems so different from everyone else?

There are very few people my age in my situation. I often feel out of place and feel like I don’t belong because I don’t have classes to talk about, don't have many friends to do things with, and am not in a relationship. Even at church and with my roommates I feel out of place at times because it seems I don’t have as much in common with them anymore. Particularly with social media showing the fun things people are doing on breaks from school when I don’t get those breaks from school and usually still have to work on those days. 

My day to day life has changed from attending classes and doing homework to working an adult job with clients. I don’t have homework to do at night (hallelujah!). Rather, I have time to work on things for myself and actually cook more. I have time to learn new things and relax more. Some nights I'm working late to finish projects or get my hours in if I didn't feel well earlier during my usual working hours. I am often at home by myself.

Because I work from home, any opportunities to meet new people or even be around people has changed for me. I work remotely so I don't go into an office and work with co-workers and have that interaction. I don't see people in my classes and on campus like I used to. I don't have the chance to see people as often and meet new people like I used to. 

With all these recent changes in my life with graduating, working full-time, and feeling more on my own, I’m learning to try not to compare where I am at in my life to where someone else is since we are all in such different phases of life. Here’s to enjoying where I’m at in life right now & not comparing my phase to theirs. 

I will keep reminding myself this: "I'm not falling behind, it's just not my time."

Kindness

Kindness has been on my mind more than usual lately. I’ve seen time and time again how “users” comment mean things and criticize others on social media simply because they have a different opinion or misinterpret a picture, caption, or comment that was shared. I’ve also been the recipient of some unkind comments recently. All of this hurts my heart to read and hear just how rude people are.

Yes we are all unique & different. No two humans are exactly alike. We all have our own values and beliefs. However that does not give anyone the right to tear others down. As I was driving a few weeks ago, I was waiting at a stop light. For some reason I looked closely and paid attention to the drivers of other cars. I noticed one in particular, an elderly man, who wasn’t smiling. I’m sure he had something going on in his life. I tried to be kind as best as I could from a distance in my car by smiling at him. I thought to myself how we are each like that, trying to make it through life as best as we can amidst the challenges thrown at us. Not all days are full of sunshine and smiles. Some days are good days where we are happy and other days are hard and it gets taken out on others through our actions. Regardless we all need kindness shown to us on both the good and bad days. Kindness may very well turn a bad day into a good day. 

Oftentimes we all are going through something hard, stressful, frustrating, confusing, whatever it may be. Instead of being unkind because of things we can only see on the outside or simple things we view or read online, we all should be more understanding and not quick to judge. I think it’s safe to say most people are kind to one another the majority of the time. There are a few unnecessarily unkind people, but not many. We just never know what someone is going through and what is going on in their mind. Give them the benefit of the doubt and show kindness to all.

Kindness costs nothing and doesn’t take much effort, yet can make the world of a difference. To a person who is struggling, a few kind words may completely change their mindset for the day. It never hurts to be kind. Try a little harder to be a littler kinder.

The Aggie Family

Family doesn’t just mean those who are related to you. It can mean so much more than that. The Aggie family is one of a kind here in Logan. I tell people this all the time, but one of my all-time favorite things about being a student at Utah State University is that I see at least one person that I know on campus every single time without fail. I often see old neighbors/roommates and friends, people from my home town, old co-workers, and people I’ve come to know and become good friends with from class or whatever it may be. There’s just something so comforting and cool about being on a campus with so many people yet seeing familiar faces so frequently.

The feeling of camaraderie there is here on campus is incredible! With starting college, it can be a challenging time and somewhat scary experience going to a new place where you don’t know anyone. This isn’t to say that the number of students at USU isn’t a lot, just means that I don’t feel like a small fish in a big pond here. I am not just another student here on campus, but rather a member of the Aggie family. The Aggie family grows each semester and has endless room to grow.

Each year I’ve met new people in my classes, maybe at work (Let’s get ready to Crumbl), from mutual friends, roommates, and so much more. I’ve made some of my very best friends in the last few years from this. I truly love being in Logan and on campus seeing all my friends. However, the Aggie family isn’t restricted to just who is in Logan. 

My dad is a member of the Aggie fam and the rest of my family has grown to be part of it too as they’ve become familiar with the school and attended sporting events. The Aggie fam stretches worldwide. Who knows, I may become someone who is on the other side of the world as an Aggie years from now.

It will be bittersweet not being on campus on a regular basis after I graduate college in December. Once an Aggie, always an Aggie.

Dancing On My Own

Ever since high school, I can remember being very independent and wanting to do things on my own. I think part of it can be attributed to the fact that I am the only girl in my family with 6 brothers and often had to do things on my own. I also have struggled with friends and didn’t want to fight with that a lot of the time so I stuck to doing things on my own. Now that I am about to graduate from college, the same theme rings true. I remain an independent person who wants to do it on my own if I can. My independency may also be a result of being single and not in a relationship for a long time. I’ll even admit I am a bit scared to get in a relationship and date because of past experiences and experiences I’ve seen some of my very close friends go through.

(This picture cracks me up & seems to represent the fact that I'm single haha)

I simply am so used to being on my own and “taking care of business” myself that the thought of someone else being in the picture is weird to me. I like being independent. I don’t have to wait around for others or be reliant on them. However, I don’t want to be on my own for my whole life.

Just this last week, I was running some errands and listening to music. The song “Dancing On My Own” by Calum Scott came on. I’m not sure why, but I had an epiphany that I might be dancing on my own for right now and independent, but I won’t be forever. That, combined with a conversation I had with my brother recently about dating and how I need to get back out there and not let the fears I have from the past get in the way and ruin the current and future opportunities.

So here’s to not being afraid of what is to come, but also being okay on my own. A lot of it is out of my control, but I need to take charge of what I am in control of, including not letting the fear of dating or whatever else it might be get in the way.

For the first time in a long time I am not 100% scared of dating and the idea of someone else being in my picture of life. Although I’m shy, I’ll try to start putting myself out there more and letting things happen. In the meantime, I’ll keep dancing on my own and be just fine with that. 

Moving Forward

At the beginning of the semester, I felt like I was getting pulled in 5 different directions and couldn’t do everything that was being asked of me. It seemed like I was failing in so many areas of my life and kept falling behind. This was incredibly frustrating to me for many reasons, but especially because I was not moving forward. I don’t like being idle, but more than that I hate moving backwards.

When we start to move backwards, it seems like its a slippery slope and I fall backwards faster than I realize. A few weeks ago I had the realization that I was falling behind and knew I had to make a change. I put myself first and started taking care of myself. If my cup isn’t full, I can’t help others and fill their cup. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, it’s so so necessary. I also re-aligned my priorities and let less important things go. The bottom line is that we can’t do it all. We’d wear ourselves so thin if we tried to do it all.

I reminded myself what was important and what I needed to focus my time on: myself and my health, school, and work. It isn’t great all the time and sometimes I still seem to be failing at the responsibilities I have, but knowing that I’m not trying to do it all makes it easier and less stressful for myself. I can more easily continue moving forward when I have less weight on my shoulders. As long as I’m trying my best and doing what I can, that’s all I can do. 

Moving forward an inch or a mile is moving forward. I am working on those small progresses and constantly going in the right direction and not letting myself fall behind. But at the same time, if I do slip backwards, turning right back around and moving forward right away to get back in the right direction. Here’s to learning more about moving forward in my life

Rose Among Many Thorns

All growing up, my dad would say how I was a “rose among many thorns”. I have six siblings, and all of them are brothers. When I was younger I didn’t always enjoy having all brothers and no sisters haha. In fact, I vividly remember when my parents came home from the ultrasound where they found out the gender of the youngest. They walked in the door and told my siblings and I that it was another boy… I started bawling right away because I was so sad I wasn’t getting a sister once again. After that, things weren’t always peachy keen or easy with so many boys in the house.

Some of my most favorite memories are with my family and my brothers. I love taking my younger brothers to go get ice cream or some other kind of treat. They know they always get to pick the music in the car and we jam out the whole time. I cherish that time and miss doing that when I’m not home and can’t take them on adventures as often. We’ve also made some great memories at sports games and even like a lot of the same teams. Something about watching or being at sporting events with my family makes it better.

Over the years, I’ve had more than my fair share of teasing from my brothers, fights with my brothers, and plenty of arm wrestles and wrestle mania nights. Now, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love having all brothers (most of the time). My brothers are some of my best friends now and I am so grateful for them and all they do for me. They protect me, are always there for me to talk to, help keep me sane, share in my love of sports, and can make me laugh in any situation. Each one is different and special to me. The oldest is there for me whenever I need it and offers some great advice. The second oldest is so close to me and has helped me in more ways than he knows. The next one has a unique sense of humor and keeps us laughing. Some of our best times are spent in the truck singing along loudly to country music and laughing very hard. The third from youngest is mature and capable of doing so much. He’s one of my faves to play basketball with. The second youngest says whatever is on his mind, even in the most serious situations which makes things funny. He’s also one of the funniest kids I’ve ever met and is never quiet. Finally, the youngest is so sweet and one of my best friends even though he’s 9 years younger than me.

No doubt that having all brothers can be crazy, but I wouldn’t change a thing. I love all my brothers and am almost glad I don’t have any sisters now…

All in all, I’ve been incredibly grateful for my family and my brothers the last year or so as they’ve been there for me more than ever and I’ve relied on them. Family over everything.

Just Peachy

"You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be someone who hates peaches."

This quote has been circling around and around in my head the last few weeks. I’ll be the first to admit that I can be sensitive at times and take things personally that were not meant to be. (And I’m sure that my family and friends can attest to that.. haha). It can seem like no matter what I do and the things I do, some people out there are still not a fan of me. Yet, that’s okay. 

We aren’t all meant to be best friends. The prime example of this is how we each find our group of people or “tribe” as some call it. The group of people we lean towards hanging out with doesn’t include everyone we have ever come in contact with. I have definitely kept my circle of people I talk to and enjoy being around small. Others have a large circle of people they hang around. That comes down to different preferences for people and whether or not they are more outgoing and social or not. I fall into the latter category of not being as outgoing and social. I’ve also chosen to keep my circle small and not let people who aren’t true friends and are only “fair-weather” friends. In learning from past mistakes, I no longer waste my energy on trying to do all the work in a friendship if the other person isn’t putting forth the same effort. Doesn't mean I'm not the same juicy peach though.

I can still be kind to everyone around me and spread happiness and joy as a "juicy peach". Sure it might come back to bite me in the butt sometimes because I’m so loving. When that happens, it makes me not want to care so much. I’ve tried to not let that make me become bitter, but still stay sweet. But that doesn’t mean we have to hate those we don’t get along with. It all comes down to the fact that we are all different. We are each unique.

But I think as humans, we naturally want to be liked by everyone and be accepted. We desire to feel wanted and cared about by people. We all have an innate need to be cared about and liked by people. When someone doesn’t feel cared about, it gets them down and leaves that need unfulfilled. I challenge each and every one of you who is reading this to do the best you can to be the sweetest human to everyone around you. Keep being just peachy  to each human you come in contact with.

I’m slowly learning and getting used to being okay with the idea of not everyone “liking peaches”. It’s a constant work in progress, but in the meantime I’m going to continue being the same ol’ ripe and juicy peach. 

Keep The Faith

If I’ve learned one thing from the things that have transpired over the course of the last six months or so, it is to have faith in the Lord and His plan. I started looking and applying to summer jobs/internships sometime in March and looked every couple days. Over the course of a couple months, I applied to more than fifty jobs. I only had a couple interviews. And all of that resulted in no job offers.

The week before school ended I had an interview for an internship for a public relations intern. It went well and I thought I had a good chance of getting the internship. However I got a call the next day that I did not get the internship. I was so frustrated since I thought that internship would be perfect for me & I’d be able to stay in Logan where many of my friends would be for the summer. I called my mom in between classes & expressed my frustrations & even joked I’d just hibernate so I wouldn’t have to deal with the struggle of finding a job. I had a few more classes that day & was stressed, frustrated, & annoyed with jobs & final projects. Later that day I got a call about an internship I hadn’t even applied for. A digital marketing company in my hometown needed an intern & my name came to mind when they were brainstorming. I was definitely interested in the job but needed to think about things for a few days.

I went back and forth in my mind over and over about it. The internship was an incredible opportunity: they were willing to help me learn new things, it was in the area of marketing I want to do, and all in all it seemed like too good of an opportunity to pass up. But it was in Idaho, and I wanted to stay in Logan for the summer. I was torn. I talked to one of my good friends and said I didn’t know what to do. He said, “Actually I think you do know what you need to do.  You just don’t want to admit it.” That stopped me and I sheepishly admitted to him that I guess he was right and that I knew what I needed to do but didn’t want to.

I moved home and began working the week after I moved. The first day on the job I was so happy and loved my job. I remember talking to someone that night and telling them that it was only my first day but I already loved it. I still love my job, have learned so much, and met some awesome people at work, but it’s been tough moving home. I figured it would be hard moving home for a few reasons. My brother and some of my friends also told me it’d be hard moving home and tried to get me to stay in Logan. The Sunday after I had decided that I was taking this job and moving home, I had a realization that maybe as much as I wanted to stay in Logan I was needed at home for some reason. I wasn’t sure what that was or what it entailed, but that I simply needed to be at home either for other people or for myself. It has since been made evident to me that I was needed at home to help my family with some things and to meet new co-workers who I’ve become friends with. Now with that said, it hasn’t all been good being home this summer.

I’ve struggled and had a tough time being home. Most days are good, but some are hard, really hard. One night I texted my brother and vented to him and let out all my frustrations while I was sitting on the ground in the dark, crying. I’ve stayed up way too late because I was so in my head and thinking. I’ve complained and vented to people or even talked to someone to just get my mind off things. Through all of this, I’ve kept my faith. Yeah sure, it would have been easier to give up on some things and say it’s not worth it. I could have given up on applying for jobs in Logan soon after I started looking for summer jobs. However, I was determined to keep going and not let this beat me.

A quote from one of my fave shows that has stuck with me is, “Faith wouldn’t be real faith if you only believe when things are good.” Ever since I heard that quote, I’ve clung to it. Back when I was applying for job after job and trying to figure out what I was doing after spring semester, I was praying about what to do and where I should be at. I never got a straight answer about that. What I did get was revelation and thoughts to hold onto my faith and be patient. In sacrament meeting talks, relief society lessons, and institute, the thing that always stood out to me was exactly that: “have faith and be patient.” I even received a few priesthood blessings and in every single one, they said in the blessing something along the lines of blessing me to be patient and trust the Lord.

I can remember three blessings I received. Out of the men who blessed me, only my brother knew about what I was going through and the frustrations I was having. This truly testified to me that I needed to be patient since Heavenly Father was speaking to both my grandpa and my best friend in the blessing about me needing patience and faith. I thought that maybe I’d get a job after applying to a certain number of jobs or that something great would work out and I could stay in Logan. As time went on, I quickly became frustrated and was left wondering what in the world it was that I needed to be patient for and wait for. At times I wanted to yell out to God and ask, “What am I waiting for? What are you trying to teach me? Just what is it??” But nonetheless I kept being as patient as I could and kept exercising faith. It wasn’t until the week before finals and the week before I had to be out of my apartment that something happened and a job worked out. I’m still patiently waiting to see what else is in store. But for now I’m going to keep having faith, especially in the hard times.

Being Content With Where I Am Now

Over the last few weeks I’ve been doing lots of reflecting on where I’m at in life now compared to where I was a year ago, and even compared to where I was a few months ago. I’ve realized that I’m happier & more content with my life. Especially in comparison to where I was a year ago, I’m immensely happier and I like the place I’m in for the most part. I think part of it can be attributed to the fact some things are going better for me and that naturally makes me happier. But I think part of it can also be attributed to the way I handle things and react to what comes my way.

I’ve become more adaptable to situations and go with the flow more. I’ve started to only focus on what I can control, not what I can’t. There's no sense in worrying about things you have no control over. Control what you can control and forget the rest.

One factor contributing to my greater happiness is getting rid of toxic people, thoughts, & unnecessary clutter in my life. The process of eliminating those toxic people can be incredibly hard. Those people used to be some of my closest friends & knew so much about me & I knew so much about them too. It came to a point where my happiness and self esteem was being brought down because of those toxic people. Once this realization occurred, I started getting rid of toxic people and distancing myself from them for the sake and happiness of myself. 

Another part to this is getting rid of hurtful and toxic thoughts in my head. This one can be hard to work on because thoughts come and go and are triggered by so many things. It’s a continuous process that never ends, but it’s so worth it to work on pushing out thoughts that are keeping you from being happy.

I know I still have a ways to go, but I can honestly say I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time & overall life is fantastic. I’m in a good spot right now with some incredible opportunities. Happiness is all around, yet you have to actively make the choice to be happy. Some days are harder to make that choice than others, but don’t give up!! I promise it will be so so worth it to choose happiness & joy over everything else. I've also chosen to be content with my life and where I'm at 

Not Today Satan

Those who know me, know that I’m generally a happy person with a positive attitude and can usually be found with a smile on my face and laughing. There are times though when I get frustrated and bogged down with life and worried about things.

A couple weeks ago I was frustrated one night about mostly silly things that didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of it all. Because I was already frustrated, those little things that didn’t go my way just added to it and only made it worse. At the end of the day I was feeling lonely and frustrated, so I texted my brother to vent to him and just laid it all out. About 15 minutes later he showed up at my apartment and knocked on my door to ask if I wanted to go for a drive. We went for a drive while I cried some and he did most of the talking. I knew in my head that most of the things I had gotten frustrated about were dumb, but it all just added to it. He brought up some good points and forced me to talk about some things I had been ignoring and holding inside for a while. He gave me some very wise advice and bought me a frosty and nuggets from Wendy’s. (Bug nuggs for life!)

Some advice he gave me was that Satan can’t affect anything but our thoughts and feelings, so when he gets the chance and we are vulnerable, he pounces on it. He tries to tell us we aren’t good enough, we can’t do it, there’s no reason for being here, and so many other meaningless things. I know all of that isn’t true. I already know that I am good enough, I can do it, and there’s a reason for everything. In that moment of weakness though, Satan got a hold of my thoughts and feelings and tried to make me feel otherwise.

The key to getting over this and not letting those thoughts bog you down and take over your thoughts and life is to shut those thoughts out. Satan has no power over you. He doesn’t have a physical body and can’t do anything. When those times get tough and he begins to take over your thoughts, push him out. We can pray for help with not letting those thoughts from Satan enter our minds. As William Cowper said, "Satan trembles when he sees the weakest saint upon their knees." If you are feeling overwhelmed and feel like Satan is meddling in your thoughts, turn to your Heavenly Father in prayer and ask for help.

We have the choice to not let Satan meddle his way into our thoughts and feelings. Each day we have to make a choice to have positive thoughts and push any thoughts from Satan out. He has no business being in our thoughts. Here’s to not letting him take over my thoughts and ignoring him but rather follow God and trust in Him.

God stills you. Satan rushes you.
God reassures you. Satan frightens you.
God leads you. Satan pushes you.
God enlightens you. Satan confuses you.
God forgives you. Satan condemns you.
God calms you. Satan stresses you.
God encourages you. Satan discourages you.
God comforts you. Satan worries you.

Using the Enabling Powers of the Atonement

The Atonement is the supreme expression of our Heavenly Father’s love for us and also the greatest expression of the Savior’s love for the Father and for us. When we came down to earth, we were clean from sin and wrongdoing. But, we are mortal beings and are subject to opposition and temptation. None of us are perfect; we all make mistakes. Without the Atonement, we would forever be separated from our Heavenly Father. The only way for us to be saved is for someone else to rescue us. The only person who can save us is Jesus Christ, as He atoned for our sins and took our burdens upon Him.

Our Savior & Redeemer, Jesus Christ, performed the Atonement for each one of us in the Garden of Gethsemane. While he was performing the Atonement, he suffered, bled & died for all of us. He felt and went through every heartbreak, pain, affliction, trial, joy, and struggle that we have ever experienced & will ever experience. However, we can all repent and use the Atonement to become clean again.

The Atonement is not just for becoming clean again after repenting. The enabling power of the Atonement also serves to comfort, and give peace, understanding, and strength to bear our burdens with ease. How incredible that we have the Atonement to help us repent of our sins and also be comforted & feel peace & solace. We can use it at anytime, and should be using it often. I think far too often the Atonement is underutilized; we don’t use it enough. I know there have been times in my life when I have not used it to the full capacity.

But lately, I have been thinking quite a lot about how we use the Atonement for different things, depending on where we are at in life and the experiences we are going through. We should always be using the Atonement to repent, but can use the Atonement to be comforted or receive peace or feel of His love as needed. It is easy to feel that no one understands or feels what you're going through. Yet, he knows and understands our suffering because He has experienced it. With his perfect understanding, He knows how to help us. I've relied more on Christ and the Atonement to feel the enabling powers of the Atonement through trials. 

I have personally been using the enabling power of the Atonement to feel comforted and gain strength the past couple months as I’ve been struggling with a few things and trying to figure out what I’m doing next. Rather than asking for my circumstances to be changed, I’ve been trying to gain the strength that I need to get through these challenges. At times I have used the enabling power of the Atonement to feel solace after the passing of a family member or friend. I have used the Atonement to gain understanding of why His plan for me changed. My point is, we need the Atonement for different things at different times in our lives depending on where we are at and what trials we are going through.

Running to the Time of Our Own Clock

The idea of everyone being on different timelines or "clocks" has been on my mind for awhile now. Everyone goes at their own speed in college, in getting their dream job, to get married, and so much more. I'm 21 and in my senior year of college. I'll graduate this December just before turning 22. I know people who are in college and older than me. I know friends who already have their dream job and are in their early 20's. Many of my friends and people I went to school with are married, some who are younger than me. And that is all okay, it's normal to go by your own time and not rush to finish college, get married, or get your dream job.

Just the other night I saw an old friend who just got back from her mission. We got on the topic of school and how much longer I had left. When I told her I graduate this semester, her jaw nearly dropped. We’re around the same age and she’s only done a semester or two of college whereas I’ll be finished with college one semester after this spring. She was shocked that I’ve completed so much school and am so close to graduating. My point is, our clocks look different than everyone else's.

It can be difficult when you look around and think you're behind others, or you might be ahead of others. But we aren't all running on the same clock. Some clocks are slower than others, some are faster. We all go at our own pace and the events and things in our lives happen according to our time. It doesn't all happen according to one clock. Your time will come to get your dream job. While you may be waiting for your time to finally come, you will miss out on other opportunities and things that come your way. Be patient and wait for your time to come. Much of it has to do with what The Lord has in store for you and HIs timing. I had all sorts of ideas in my head of what my timeline looked like and when I’d accomplish various things. Needless to say nothing has gone according to my plan and the timing I had in mind. But ya know what? It’s turned out even better than I could have ever imagined! As I’ve allowed The Lord to take control of my “clock” and set it’s pace, everything has worked out better for me and with my best interest in mind too.

I've seen this quote about our different clocks many times and it speaks to me each time I see it:

"I know people who graduated college at 21, and didn't get a salary job until they were 27. I know people who graduated at 25 and already had a salary job. I know people who have children and are single. I know people who are married and had to wait 8-10 years to be parents. I know people who are in a relationship and love someone else. I know people who love each other and aren't together. There are people waiting to love and be loved. My point is, everything in life happens according to our time, our clock. You may look at your friends and some may seem to be ahead or behind you, but they're not. They're living according to the pace of their clock, so be patient. You're not falling behind, it's just not your time."

- Julissa Loaiza

Just remember to be patient and don’t get discouraged when you look around and see others who seem to be “beating” you to certain milestones or events in life. They’re on a different clock than you.You’ll hit that “time” in your life when it’s right for you. For now just keep running to the time of your own clock and being you. One day it will be your time.

It's All About Perspective

The other night I had a great conversation with my roommate. I wanted to go on a drive to clear my head and just talk, so my roommate tagged along. I felt like my thoughts were all over the place, but overall I was frustrated and felt like I was struggling. I spit out all my thoughts in a haphazard manner. After I explained it all, I had no idea if it any of it made any sense at all, but simply just getting it all off my chest and sharing with someone was relieving.

What my roommate said after I said how I felt stunned me in the moment and nearly had me in tears. She asked, “can I tell you what I think about you?” She proceeded to list off numerous things such as, “I see how you are so studious and get good grades. I see how you care so much about people and are always so thoughtful of others. You help Jeremy a lot. You help your family a lot. You are always thinking of how to help others. You are good about saving money at the grocery store.” She listed off many things, that was just part of what she said. I was nearly in tears when listening to what she was saying to me.

I was speechless at what she said; mostly because I didn’t see many of those things in myself. I don’t always see myself as studious. Sometimes I get good grades. Last fall semester I didn’t do as well in my classes as I had hoped. In one of my classes in particular I was just trying to keep my head above water and simply pass the class. I care a lot about people and try to be thoughtful and help my friends and family whenever I can, but sometimes I end up getting hurt because of how much I care. There are times when I wish I didn’t care so much. It seemed like for each thing she said I could think of a counterargument of how I didn’t think it was true.

This conversation left me thinking all about perspective and how my perspective varied so much from that of my roommate’s. Her perspective was from the outside looking in at my life and the little moments that make up my life. My perspective is from the inside with a thousand thoughts a minute gets clouded so easily by negative thoughts, unnecessary things, &  focusing on my challenges/trials. I can twist ideas in my head to make it seem worse or harder. I overthink things often. When I do those things, my perspective gets skewed and I don’t see things as they truly are. 

I know what I can become and what I am capable of, so I get frustrated when I am not having success and not achieving what I want to. I've been working more on taking a step back to view things as they really are and "fix" my perspective when it gets clouded because of frustration or whatever it is. "When you look at a field of dandelions, you can either see a hundred weeds, or a thousand wishes." Perspective changes everything and can make a world of difference.

Different Paths in Life

This weekend I saw one of my fave high school teachers while out and about. We had a quick conversation about how school was going, what his family has been up to, and just what's going on in my life. He mentioned how he was spending time with his children and we talked for a few minutes before saying goodbye and Merry Christmas. After talking about how school was, dating, and talking about the usual things relating to college, he unknowingly offered some words of wisdom to me. Reay said, "we are all on different paths in life." It was so good to see him and catch up for a few minutes, but I will never forget that line.

The topic of different paths has been on my mind for a couple months. College is such a fun, exciting, scary, (awkward at times), and difficult part of life. I've met some pretty amazing people in college. I think it's fascinating that of those people I've met, there's such a wide range of ages, relationship status, and progress in school. Everyone is on a different path than the next person.

When I look around at the people I'm surrounded by and especially my friends, I notice numerous differences in the paths of our lives. Many of my friends are married, engaged, or dating someone. One of my best friends just had her first baby. Some are doing really well in school, a few are even in grad school. And nearly all my friends have jobs and are working. We are all around the same age, in our twenties, yet we are so different. It can be so easy to look around and compare my life, and the path that I'm on. At times it seems that my path is going nowhere and that I will never get on the other paths that my friends are on of dating and working.

As I compare differences, it leaves me frustrated and sometimes annoyed. The way I think about it needs to change though. As my old teacher said, "we are all on different paths in life." We all started on the same path, but went different ways and ended up on different paths. Right now I'm on the path where I'm just focusing on school, and that's okay. One day I'll be on the path of dating someone, then eventually getting engaged and married. After I get married I'll have kids and start on a new path. I'll start on the path of being in the workforce full-time after completing my degree next December. I'll be young when I graduate, but that makes it all the more exciting because I have more freedom because I'm younger and will only be 21 when I graduate from college.

For now I'm going to focus on the path I am on right this minute and not compare it to the paths of others. I may be on the seemingly boring and difficult path of being in school and focusing on my classes, but it is where I need to be right now and the particular path I need to be on. My time will come when it's right for me to be on a different path. There is no need to rush anything. The time will pass anyway, so might as well enjoy the path I am on. 

Whichever path of life you may be on right now, I encourage you to enjoy it and not spend your time wishing you were on a different path. Because we are all on different paths, you can't compare your path to anyone else's because it is so different. It would be like comparing a rollercoaster to a merry-go-round. It just is so different and unique that you would end up frustrated every time you compare. We are all on different paths of life. Your time will come when it is right for you to be on other paths. You are where you are right now for a reason. Stay on the path of life you are on for right now until a different path intersects and directs you onto a new path. The new path will come only when you are ready and when you are supposed to be on a different path.

Follow Your Promptings

A few of you may remember this experience I had a couple years ago. It has been going through my mind quite a bit lately and I thought I'd share it again, especially as Thanksgiving is nearly here.

This experience happened a couple years ago. I was driving home for Thanksgiving break by myself because Jeremy was already home. I had one class on that Tuesday and couldn't leave until after class. Our class got out early & I hurried to my apartment to get my things and head home. Before I left to go home, I had a few small promptings to do some things before I left. I decided to quickly check the mail before I left (who knows why, I rarely got mail, haha) and I stopped at a gas station to get a drink. After that I left to go home. While I was driving, I had the best view of the mountains. I've seen that view while driving to and from home countless times, but just this one time I decided to stop and pull off to the side to take a few pictures since I had my camera with me. I kept driving, and knew I had enough gas to get home, but also knew that fuel was cheaper in Downey. I stopped there to fill up my tank.

I was trying to make good time and get back in time to make cookies with my aunt and cousins, then go to the new James Bond movie with my family that night. I was about 10-15 minutes away from home, when I passed the Fort Hall exit and traffic came to a halt on the interstate. I called my dad to see if he could look online or knew if there was an accident or construction. He looked online and didn't find anything. Some family friends who were driving south saw why traffic was stopped. There was a bad accident about a mile ahead of me: a semi truck driving southbound had blown a tire and lost control. The truck driver crossed the median into oncoming traffic and struck a pickup truck driving northbound. A mom and a few of her kids were in the pickup truck. One of the children was killed in this accident.  I was stuck waiting on the interstate for two hours while the victims were taken care of medically and the debris and everything from the accident was cleaned up.

At first, I was very frustrated that I was waiting there with nothing to do. I was annoyed because I couldn't do anything, couldn't turn around so I could get home the back way, and I didn't want to miss my plans for the night of making cookies and watching the new James Bond. My perspective on it changed the longer I thought about it however. Since I was not far back from the accident, it could have very well been me. I followed all of those tiny promptings to check the mail, get a Dr. Pepper, take pictures of the view, and fill up my tank. At the time those thoughts didn't seem like promptings because it was so small and didn't seem like it would make a difference. Looking back, I've counted my blessings many times that I was in tune with the Spirit and followed those seemingly small promptings. Those promptings could have very well saved my life that night two years ago. Since I was only a mile back from the accident, on the interstate going 80+ mph I could have been right there and it could have my car, instead of the pickup, that was struck by the semi-truck.

This has served as a continuous reminder to me to never ignore a prompting. I hope that you all will take heed to any promptings you may have. Even if it seems to be just a thought in the back of your head, don't ignore it! It could save your life, or someone else's life. Particularly with the holiday season approaching in only weeks, many people are in need both physically and emotionally/mentally. Reach out to those people who you 'randomly' think about. The holidays can be a lonely time for those who have lost loved ones or are struggling with various things. Even just sending a text or a note can brighten their day. Or bake some holiday treats and share with others. (This is one of my fave things to do around the holidays!) Whatever it is you are prompted to do, don't ignore it. You are getting that prompting for a reason.

Thriving, Not Just Surviving

"Live to thrive, not just survive." - The Magnolia Story
by Chip and Joanna Gaines

I feel like I haven’t been thriving lately, but just barely surviving. Going through life just surviving takes it out of you! Between all my classes that I have and group projects for several of those classes, I have had no time for much else. I’m in class from about 9 – 3 almost every day, have group project meetings at night until midnight some nights, go back home Thursday night and work all weekend, from September to November, and come back to college Sunday sometime. Then repeat it all over again. That routine gets real old, real fast.

I’ve felt so drained this first half of the semester with everything. It can take it out of you real quick. I’ve also felt very frustrated because of a few bad grades, not understanding how to do assignments, awful professors, not being able to find a job, or not having enough time for everything. The other day I took a step back and realized I wasn’t happy and was barely staying above water. Something had to change. But I couldn’t just stop completing assignments and working on group projects. What I could do was take a little bit of time for me each day to take a break from homework. Even if that was just laying down and thinking or napping for 20 minutes or planning meals for the week and cooking or baking. So far even just doing it for a few days has already made a difference. A couple weeks ago, I watched the NL Wild Card game with Jeremy before and after a group project meeting. Even if I had to ignore a few assignments, I was going to watch the baseball game no matter what #priorities.  We had pizza and got rally drinks (our choice was lemonade). I also went to bed before 11 pm, which hasn’t happened in a long time! It felt so good to take a break from schoolwork. I definitely needed it.

Another thing that I’ve been doing to start thriving is spending less time on social media, Netflix, and online in general. In order for me to thrive, I have to actually be living and not hiding behind my phone screen or laptop. I never realized how much time I spent online doing things that hold no value and didn't help me progress or get things done. In today's world, we can become so consumed with technology. I'm accustomed to using devices more often than not due to using my phone for work & contacting people and using a computer/my laptop for work this last summer everyday at each of my jobs. But that was necessary.

I know it is impossible for me to completely swear off technology and the Internet. I use my laptop to take notes in class, do assignments, listen to music, do some work for my dad, and email. I use my phone to listen to music, talk on the phone, check the weather, capture memories, Snapchat, and so much more. I don't need to do as much of that though. I can reduce the amount of time I spend on devices and increase the time I spend with people in person and making memories. I know I need to work more on thriving. I want to thrive for the rest of my life. When I look back on my life I want to see many days where I thrived, and not so many where I just survived. So here's to more days where I thrive, and not just survive.

Challenge: Work on living to thrive, not just survive. You can work on it slowly, one piece at a time, but keep at it. It will greatly influence your life and make you happier.

Reasoning Behind Why You Meet People

Have you ever thought about the reasoning behind why you meet certain people?

After having a conversation with my roommate yesterday, I've thought a lot about the reasoning behind things. Specifically the reasons for why we meet new people, become friends & become close to others. We were talking about when we meet someone new and felt that there was a specific reason we were supposed to know that person.

I had told her of an experience from last school year when I had received a priesthood blessing from my brother Jeremy. To preface the story, I was very sick one day, and went up to campus early to study for a test I had that afternoon. I was getting sicker & sicker by the minute. For some reason I texted Jeremy, told him how sick I was & that I didn't know what to do. He quickly suggested I come to the institute building to get a blessing!! I went over & got a blessing from Jeremy & his institute teacher. 

My oh my did I remember this blessing more than any other before!! Jeremy gave me an incredible blessing & I was so thankful for it. However, the one thing I recall so clearly is something he said completely unrelated to my health and healing. He said, "Bless you that you will have loving people come into your life." (Since we are pretty close & at the same university, we talk a lot. Jeremy knows just about everything. He knows that I've always struggled with friends & feeling loved. I often feel lonely.) Anyway, we hadn't talked recently about that. I know he was inspired to say that in the blessing. 

With a new school year comes meeting new people. I truly believe that some of the people I met last year were "loving people" and came into my life at just the right time to help me when I needed it most. Am I still close to those people? No, not all of them. I learned some crucial life lessons from those people and the experiences I had with those people. I went on to explain to my roommate that at the time, those people were loving people who were helping me and were there for me. Their purpose in my life evolved and changed as time went on. Regardless if I am no longer close to those people, I am still grateful for lessons learned from it and the reasonings why I met those people.

For some people, they fulfilled their purpose in my life in a short amount of time. God has a plan and will only keep the people in our lives that we need and that are there to help us, and vice versa. So when we have that feeling that we are supposed to meet someone and  know that person, it may be for a reason that is short-lived, or there may be a greater purpose behind it. Whatever it may be, follow those promptings. I have some of my best friends now because I followed those feelings I had that I was meant to get to know that person.

Always remember that everything happens for a reason. God will not put something or someone in your life that isn't supposed to be, at least for a certain amount of time. Take that in and relish in the fact that God has hand-picked some people to be in your life. How special is that?? When I think of that, I am filled with an incredible amount of comfort in knowing that.

Our God is so so good. Never forget that He is always mindful of you and has special purposes for why some people come into your life.