Ever since high school, I can remember being very independent and wanting to do things on my own. I think part of it can be attributed to the fact that I am the only girl in my family with 6 brothers and often had to do things on my own. I also have struggled with friends and didn’t want to fight with that a lot of the time so I stuck to doing things on my own. Now that I am about to graduate from college, the same theme rings true. I remain an independent person who wants to do it on my own if I can. My independency may also be a result of being single and not in a relationship for a long time. I’ll even admit I am a bit scared to get in a relationship and date because of past experiences and experiences I’ve seen some of my very close friends go through.

(This picture cracks me up & seems to represent the fact that I'm single haha)

I simply am so used to being on my own and “taking care of business” myself that the thought of someone else being in the picture is weird to me. I like being independent. I don’t have to wait around for others or be reliant on them. However, I don’t want to be on my own for my whole life.

Just this last week, I was running some errands and listening to music. The song “Dancing On My Own” by Calum Scott came on. I’m not sure why, but I had an epiphany that I might be dancing on my own for right now and independent, but I won’t be forever. That, combined with a conversation I had with my brother recently about dating and how I need to get back out there and not let the fears I have from the past get in the way and ruin the current and future opportunities.

So here’s to not being afraid of what is to come, but also being okay on my own. A lot of it is out of my control, but I need to take charge of what I am in control of, including not letting the fear of dating or whatever else it might be get in the way.

For the first time in a long time I am not 100% scared of dating and the idea of someone else being in my picture of life. Although I’m shy, I’ll try to start putting myself out there more and letting things happen. In the meantime, I’ll keep dancing on my own and be just fine with that. 

Moving Forward

At the beginning of the semester, I felt like I was getting pulled in 5 different directions and couldn’t do everything that was being asked of me. It seemed like I was failing in so many areas of my life and kept falling behind. This was incredibly frustrating to me for many reasons, but especially because I was not moving forward. I don’t like being idle, but more than that I hate moving backwards.

When we start to move backwards, it seems like its a slippery slope and I fall backwards faster than I realize. A few weeks ago I had the realization that I was falling behind and knew I had to make a change. I put myself first and started taking care of myself. If my cup isn’t full, I can’t help others and fill their cup. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, it’s so so necessary. I also re-aligned my priorities and let less important things go. The bottom line is that we can’t do it all. We’d wear ourselves so thin if we tried to do it all.

I reminded myself what was important and what I needed to focus my time on: myself and my health, school, and work. It isn’t great all the time and sometimes I still seem to be failing at the responsibilities I have, but knowing that I’m not trying to do it all makes it easier and less stressful for myself. I can more easily continue moving forward when I have less weight on my shoulders. As long as I’m trying my best and doing what I can, that’s all I can do. 

Moving forward an inch or a mile is moving forward. I am working on those small progresses and constantly going in the right direction and not letting myself fall behind. But at the same time, if I do slip backwards, turning right back around and moving forward right away to get back in the right direction. Here’s to learning more about moving forward in my life

Rose Among Many Thorns

All growing up, my dad would say how I was a “rose among many thorns”. I have six siblings, and all of them are brothers. When I was younger I didn’t always enjoy having all brothers and no sisters haha. In fact, I vividly remember when my parents came home from the ultrasound where they found out the gender of the youngest. They walked in the door and told my siblings and I that it was another boy… I started bawling right away because I was so sad I wasn’t getting a sister once again. After that, things weren’t always peachy keen or easy with so many boys in the house.

Some of my most favorite memories are with my family and my brothers. I love taking my younger brothers to go get ice cream or some other kind of treat. They know they always get to pick the music in the car and we jam out the whole time. I cherish that time and miss doing that when I’m not home and can’t take them on adventures as often. We’ve also made some great memories at sports games and even like a lot of the same teams. Something about watching or being at sporting events with my family makes it better.

Over the years, I’ve had more than my fair share of teasing from my brothers, fights with my brothers, and plenty of arm wrestles and wrestle mania nights. Now, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love having all brothers (most of the time). My brothers are some of my best friends now and I am so grateful for them and all they do for me. They protect me, are always there for me to talk to, help keep me sane, share in my love of sports, and can make me laugh in any situation. Each one is different and special to me. The oldest is there for me whenever I need it and offers some great advice. The second oldest is so close to me and has helped me in more ways than he knows. The next one has a unique sense of humor and keeps us laughing. Some of our best times are spent in the truck singing along loudly to country music and laughing very hard. The third from youngest is mature and capable of doing so much. He’s one of my faves to play basketball with. The second youngest says whatever is on his mind, even in the most serious situations which makes things funny. He’s also one of the funniest kids I’ve ever met and is never quiet. Finally, the youngest is so sweet and one of my best friends even though he’s 9 years younger than me.

No doubt that having all brothers can be crazy, but I wouldn’t change a thing. I love all my brothers and am almost glad I don’t have any sisters now…

All in all, I’ve been incredibly grateful for my family and my brothers the last year or so as they’ve been there for me more than ever and I’ve relied on them. Family over everything.

Just Peachy

"You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be someone who hates peaches."

This quote has been circling around and around in my head the last few weeks. I’ll be the first to admit that I can be sensitive at times and take things personally that were not meant to be. (And I’m sure that my family and friends can attest to that.. haha). It can seem like no matter what I do and the things I do, some people out there are still not a fan of me. Yet, that’s okay. 

We aren’t all meant to be best friends. The prime example of this is how we each find our group of people or “tribe” as some call it. The group of people we lean towards hanging out with doesn’t include everyone we have ever come in contact with. I have definitely kept my circle of people I talk to and enjoy being around small. Others have a large circle of people they hang around. That comes down to different preferences for people and whether or not they are more outgoing and social or not. I fall into the latter category of not being as outgoing and social. I’ve also chosen to keep my circle small and not let people who aren’t true friends and are only “fair-weather” friends. In learning from past mistakes, I no longer waste my energy on trying to do all the work in a friendship if the other person isn’t putting forth the same effort. Doesn't mean I'm not the same juicy peach though.

I can still be kind to everyone around me and spread happiness and joy as a "juicy peach". Sure it might come back to bite me in the butt sometimes because I’m so loving. When that happens, it makes me not want to care so much. I’ve tried to not let that make me become bitter, but still stay sweet. But that doesn’t mean we have to hate those we don’t get along with. It all comes down to the fact that we are all different. We are each unique.

But I think as humans, we naturally want to be liked by everyone and be accepted. We desire to feel wanted and cared about by people. We all have an innate need to be cared about and liked by people. When someone doesn’t feel cared about, it gets them down and leaves that need unfulfilled. I challenge each and every one of you who is reading this to do the best you can to be the sweetest human to everyone around you. Keep being just peachy  to each human you come in contact with.

I’m slowly learning and getting used to being okay with the idea of not everyone “liking peaches”. It’s a constant work in progress, but in the meantime I’m going to continue being the same ol’ ripe and juicy peach.