When I feel lonely, I just figured something was wrong with me & that's why I didn't have any friends and felt that way. I feel as if I've lost the friends I used to have. I know that it is bound to happen with everyone going in different directions and doing different things in their lives. I didn't think it would be like this for me though. I thought I would be happier and actually have friends. Truthfully, I've always struggled with making and keeping friends. It always seems to happen that I'm never the first choice of what may be my so-called "friends". The reason I say that is because I'm learning more and more & realizing that more often than not, they aren't true friends. It's incredibly frustrating and difficult when I feel so alone & am struggling but have no one to talk to & get things off my chest to. It has resulted in many lonely days, sleepless nights, a million thoughts going through my head, and countless tears shed.
As a result of all this, I have wanted to give up & just forget it all at times. However, I know I can't give up for many reasons. It's just in the moment when I have 2,738 thoughts going through my head that I psyche myself into thinking giving up is the best option. That's so wrong though. In the grand scheme of things, this is all small when you look at the whole big picture.
From now on, instead of longing to just give up, find a way to get rid of all my problems, and think that something is wrong with me because none of that is true or the way to react to it all. It will take determination to change my way of thinking and perseverance to push through it all. This process won't be easy, but it will be so worth it in the end. As I re-wire my thinking, I'm also evaluating my life and what my priorities are. I spend lots of time thinking and focusing on schoolwork. I should spend more time bettering myself and getting closer to Christ. This was brought to my attention in a new light thanks to a friend.
A few days ago, this dear friend texted me to check up on me and after some talking & her asking what was going on, me telling her some of my frustrations and all, she replied with some advice. There was one specific thing she said that struck a cord in me. She said, "usually lonely times are the just opportunities to get closer to Christ." I had never thought of it that way before. I always despised these "ruts" of me feeling so lonely. Never would I have thought it would be a blessing in disguise and that it would present the perfect opportunity to become closer to Christ. Although I still may not embrace the lonely times, I will look at it in a new light and take that time to better my relationship with my Savior.
I know that everything will get better eventually. Just takes time. It may be these very experiences that are preparing me for something greater in my life or preparing me to be able to help someone in need down the road who went through the same experiences.
Here's to not giving up, becoming better, and getting closer to Christ.
